A Regretful Reflecton: December 29, 2009
Posted by valkyrie1008 in Non-fiction, Wilson's World.Tags: alcohol, alcoholic, alcoholism, children, dad, daddy, dads, family, father, fathers, new year, pain, personal, poem, Poetry, regret, sadness
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As it nears the new year many make promises, vows and plans they often don’t keep. Some of these promises are as simple as getting more exercise, eating less or recycling more – something normal and unimportant. This coming new year is one where I am having to tear a hole in my heart – a hole the shape a father figure should fill. I do have a father although sadly he no longer deserves the title and I have told him so in two heart wrenched pages of words so he knows how I feel and knows why I can no longer recognise him as my ‘dad’ anymore. Those close to me will know the reason behind this – many (if any) who read this now won’t. That is why I am reposting a poem I wrote during my first year at University which really sums up for the me the past 6 no 10 years even of misery my so called ‘dad’ has caused me, my family and others who cared for us. So when you read this poem please reflect on your own fathers and count yourself lucky to have at least a fairly average one and not a rotten apple as mine is. For my true father – the one who loved us all and actually meant it when he said ‘his family is his life’ died – departed my home and my heart many, many years ago.
Husband, Father, Drunk.
The stab of the screw causes the cork to jettison with a pop.
The crystal ring and slosh as the poison is poured into the glass.
A colour deeper than blood.
He licks his pale lips eager for the taste on his tongue, to feel it in his mouth and body.
The tense raging hunger, need, desire and longing is finally quenched,
For another hour or more.
He returns to his chair before the TV, turning it on
With a determined press of a button on the controller that never leaves his table.
It is the only sense of sane order left to him, the one thing he still has control over.
The wide screen jumps into life with the vibrant colour and vigorous energy of fireworks.
That force reminds him of his lost and wasted youth.
The news and weather again and again and again and again. News 24 rules his attention.
The global disasters, famines, bombings and corrupt politics flicker
Over his glazed grey eyes, watching the world spin and change.
A world he no longer feels part of, a world he thinks no longer needs him.
All are excuses, reasons, motives,
as feeble as the hand that lifts the poison to his mouth once more.
To take one more sip, one more mouthful,
One more glass, one more bottle
Empty.
This is what it has come to. His days spent slumped before the TV.
His body crumbling and withering like a tree split apart by lightening. Beyond saving.
The poison that is so delightful claiming more of his soul, his spirit, his mind, his body and his life.
A life he will not fight for even though he has everything to die for.
Erasing the person he once was. Without any sign of defiance, just simple surrender.
The poison makes his heart, mind, and eyes blind to what he has. What he’s losing.
It has washed his heart black, making it as hollow and cold as each bottle he drains.
He appears oblivious to the pleading looks of his children,
The tears in his wife’s eyes.
All hoping, praying, wishing, waiting,
For him to change.
To be the father that used to laugh, his eyes once filled with happiness.
To be the husband that used to smile, a heart once filled with love.
That man has long since left their home and their hearts.
His soul leaves them contained in the empty bottles they put out to recycle.
That man now sits in my father’s chair but is not my father.
Just a reflection, a look alike, bitter and resentful towards everything.
A ghost that haunts us with misery, shame and pain.
A perfect stranger that we simply call Dad but acts nothing like him.
Christmas reflections and Future dreams December 27, 2009
Posted by valkyrie1008 in Author Achievements, Fantasy, Fiction, Photography, Wilson's World.Tags: 2010, birds, books, christmas, creativity, Flickr, garden wildlife, handmade gifts, Joanne Harris, Outlaw, Photograph, photographs, presents, robin, snow, winter, World of Warcraft, writing
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Well Christmas 2009 has been and gone but it still held quite a few suprises for me.
First it saved my secret wish of photographing a Robin in the Snow until Christmas Day itself as I was left with nothing to do whilst Mum finished wrapping my presents hurridly and secretly in the kitchen bless (she was very far behind in preperations for it due to my Auntie’s MS getting worse and requiring a lot of attention.) So I was watching out the window into our snow covered garden, waiting for a bird to be still so I can photograph it when all of a sudden my friendly Mr Robin popped out from the hedge and delicately hopped around in the snow. He posed or should I say paused? Several times for me to photograph this great Christmas icon. I like to think of this moment as Nature’s present to me for photographing her splending beauty.
Mr Robin posing against the white snow.
I hope you like this photograph as much as I do. Definitly the highlight for me of 2009. You can see more of my favourite Winter/Christmas photographs at www.flickr.com/photos/valkyrie1008
Scary to think it will be 2010 in a few days. But I intend to continue my creativness into that year and beyond. Having shown Mum a picture of my Norse Collection Limited Edition book she now wants me to make her one so I will definately be creative at least until February. My best friends liked the gifts I made them too. Got some very excited texts from them both full of praise for my talent and thanks.
I’m still trying to keep my creative spark for writing going but it seems to be doing ok as I woke up one morning and suddenly had this scene in my head and this voice beginning a whole new story:
The day I murdered a man was the day the sky burned and the earth split apart. The day I murdered a man is the first and last thing I remember. All I recall when I focus my mind as far back as it will go is the intense rage I felt inside me, the fear in the old man’s eyes and his gasp as I pressed the trigger in the gun I held and the bullet pinned him to the earth. Not even a second later the buildings forming that alleyway shook and a rumbling louder than thunder echoed across the clouds stirring them. After that I ran. Ran with the other people who fled into houses and cars. Chaos had come to town and it had all begun the day I shot that man. A man I have no memory of. My whole life seems to have begun at that awful moment even though some reckon I lived for 20 odd years before my memoryabandoned from me.
Doesn’t it sound exciting? Don’t know why but I am yet again writing from the point of view of a man. My first ever story was from such a point of view but looking back through that now makes me feel so ashamed due to the cliched characters and speech. The over all story idea was good but boy my writing was so bad at the start. But having seen one of my favourite pieces of writing described as great on Joanne Harris’s website and featured under her Fan Fiction section is a sure sign that I am definitly getting better and at least have some talent.
Speaking of which I watched an interesting little news clip on BBC News 24 about how apparently it’s at this time of year when more of us than ever decide we are going to become the next JK Rowling and adopt the title of wanna-be author. So in relation to this a reporter got author Kate Mosse to give a mum who writes 5 top tips on how to write a novel. All budding writers should watch this when feeling low as it is encouraging and very useful.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/8430705.stm
My Mum’s got me two new books for Christmas one on a similar plot to the old classic film Homeward bound but with wild bears in Canada titled ‘Seekers’ by Erin Hunter and Dark Fire (stongly hinting about dragons) but sadly the last in the series so I will have to buy the first with Christmas money. But I don’t mind. I might pick up a few other books too. Just finished one titled Outlaw on the legends and tales of Robin Hood and to be honest the most believeable I’ve read yet by Arnold Bold (I think – book is upstairs hehehe). Speaking about books makes my boyfriend’s voice creep into my mind with the line he seems to believe is a golden rule ‘any good writer should read a book a day’ apparently reported by Neil Gaiman. Bah! I could probably manage a book a week if I wasn’t tired after work and distracted by TV and eager to catch upon some serious World of Warcraft adventures.
Anyway I’ll see him again before New Years day as I’m spending it with his family and hopefully going to see Avatar too. I’ll report back on how it goes.
Until then keep smiling and may you all have a Happy New Year in 2010.
Creative Christmas Crafts revealed! December 18, 2009
Posted by valkyrie1008 in Fiction, Poetry, Valkyrie Creations, Wilson's World.Tags: christmas presents, exclusive editions, friends, gifts, handmade book, handmade gifts, paper, present ideas, presents, runes, textiles, writing
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Ok the time has come now that work has finished for the christmas holidays I have finally had chance to upload photographs of the presents that have occupied so much of my time this past 3 weeks but I have enjoyed making them.
First there is what I call a Friendship Momento Hanging which you can find under Valkyrie Creations – Modern Designs page. Click on the image on the mentioned page to find out more about how and why I made it.
Friendship Momento Hanging
Next is the exclusive edition of my works (1 of 3) in book form which I have titled ‘The Norse Collection’ – a selection of my favourite short stories and poems I wrote myself with Norse Mythology as my inspiration. Again when found under Various Creatives page click on the image to learn more about why and how I made my own little book.
The Norse Collection 1 of 3 Exclusive One Time Editions - Made and Written by Me
A Creative Christmas Complete: December 17, 2009
Posted by valkyrie1008 in Wilson's World.Tags: busy, christmas, handmade book, handmade gifts, Photograph, presents, textiles
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Well all I can say the word ‘busy’ has definitly applied to me over the past 3 weeks.
Been busy at work.
Been busy buying, wrapping and making christmas presents (photo’s to come soon over the weekend). Not to mention the other christmas fun which is writing and giving christmas cards, putting up decoratons, decorating the tree and of course attending christmas parties. At one point I was going to 2 in one night.
But on the whole it’s been a very creative one as I intended it to be. Made my 2 best friends a fabulous textile picture hanging of us three and I printed, bound and covered my own little collection of short fiction and poetry entitled ‘The Norse Collection’ as it’s all my favourite pieces written with Norse Mythology as my inspiration. I felt so proud as I held my own work in book form for the first time in my own hands. The book present idea wasn’t actually mine but a student at the college I work for as I mentioned to her how I’m making my best friends gifts and she revealed how she makes her own cards and as we are both young writers how perhaps if we give each other our writing as gifts. Thankfully my partner had previously printed and bound my old work as a present last year and so he kindly showed me how to do it myself. It’s a tricky process but worth it in the end.
Now I just have to tidy up flat for Andy’s family coming over tonight, keep it tidy until I leave for my final day at work this year tomorrow and pack for my christmas holiday back at my family home in good old North Yorkshire.
Then maybe, just maybe after Christmas is over and I have my new year week off I might actually catch up on some serious WOW time as I haven’t been on it for 3 weeks and I’m beginning to miss everyone. And it’s so hard knowing I have an ace computer to enjoy every second on it and I haven’t been on for 3 weeks! But that’s life!
Castle Hill Sunrise December 6, 2009
Posted by valkyrie1008 in Photography, Wilson's World.Tags: castle hill, dawn, Huddersfield, morning, Photograph, photographs, Photography, sky, sun, sunrise, views
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Friday morning I arrived to work feeling rather cheerful after seeing a robin, a black bird, 2 magpies signifying joy and my neighbourhood squirrel. The sky also seemed to please me as it was very clear for what turned out to be a fantastic sunrise and I had my camera with me. I have never watched the sun rise before but set against the dark shape of Castle Hill top it was a magical experience. I even started singing ‘You are my sunshine’ to myself as I took one beautiful photograph after another.
The Sun breaking the dawn over the edge of Castle Hill.
If you wish to see the rest of my sunrise photographs please visit www.flickr.com/photos/valkyrie1008 or click on the Flickr box titled Favourite Photos at the bottom right side of the screen.
I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.
